you know what i kinda feel like that one freak with the eyeshadow from yuri on ice

 (this one is a poem. i do that sometimes. i'll do that here too. i'm posting this one because the guy i wrote it about officially got a girlfriend so i'm kinda fucking losing it!!!! here you go <3)

It feels too soon for you to drown my delusions
Too late for anything to be enough to do so.
I fell too hard, I fell too fast,
Convinced myself this fantasy would last
Of course it wouldn't. Of course it didn't.
Of course you found someone.
You're you, after all.
So beautiful and kind and radiant,
It was me who questioned how you didn't find someone before.

Pangs of thought, moments picturing your face
For the first time, you make me feel sick to my stomach.
The fucking chess app on my computer won't close
Because even my computer is mocking me now
The pathetic creature I am, thinking of you, you,
Trying not to think of what you're doing right now, who you're with,
D* reminded me I have the right to be jealous. That it doesn't make me evil.
But I still wish I wasn't.

And, oh, God, she's probably so hot. Like, mind-numbingly hot.
She's probably giving you the night of your life,
one you're never gonna forget.
Okay, probably not, probably not just to watch some fireworks.
I'm being dramatic. It's not like you're gone.
It's not like I won't still see you as much as I do now.
But oh, God, I probably won't ever see you more than I have.
Did I lose my last chance to get closer to you?

And now it's the next morning, and your note—
The little thing on Instagram, you posted a song—
Remind me, if you ever do this again,
To never google the lyrics again
To never realize it's a song about two lovers
Two people, falling for each other, a song about something that would never happen between you and I, and, oh, God,
I'm starting to feel sick again.

I wish I could say that I hope she's good enough for you,
But I don't. I don't. I hope she sucks.
I hope she has nothing in common with you,
I hope she doesn't know how to love you,
I hope she isn't good enough. I hope you have to cut her loose.
But I know that can't be true, not with how happy you are
Not with the grins I've seen on your face
Not with the joy I've seen you express
There must be something wonderful about her.

*idk what i'm gonna call my friends if i start writing personal narratives especially since like at least 3 of their names start with M but for now i'm just shortening the name i wrote in the original poem to her initial 👍